I had a pretty good spring break, with it starting out how it did, finding out i made all state and everything. Then my mom and I spent a nice couple of days in Phoenix, laying out in the sun and getting manicures and such, which we both needed. But then I pretty much spent the rest of it being sickeningly nervous about my UofA audition, which was yesterday...
I thought it actually went better than I had anticipated. I played well, I felt, and I was pretty happy with it, until the professor and I started talking at the end... It almost seemed like he was trying to convince me NOT to be a music major. We started out talking about all the drawbacks, like how his first job was 17,000 a year with no benefits, and how the odds of being a professional musician are less than being a pro basketball player... But that in itself didn't really discourage me. I've always known my chances wouldn't be good.
He also said that I would probably be taking 8:00 classes every day of the week until i'm a junior. Which really, really sucks. But I would do it to be a professional musician; just to be as good as he is someday. That is what I want so bad. Another thing is that he said it would probably cost me around 57,000 in extra costs to be a performance major through 4 years of college, because I'd have to buy a new professional level flute, travel costs, etc. As he said, being a musician has been called a "rich man's profession," ironically, since "starving" musicians are obviously linked to not making much money.
He also told me that more than anything, more than being a really, really talented musician, you need a lot of tenacity to be in this profession, and bluntly, that if you don't have it, you need to get out. Tenacity being like, grit and determination and the will to keep going when you get rejected or beaten, and the ability to assert yourself and pretty much force your way into the business. That is something I am so not good at. I'm just hoping college will open me up a little, and being in the real world will make me more outgoing and assertive. I know it did with my sisters.
I just hate the funk I get into when I do badly at something, or don't make something, etc. I just don't know if i'll be able to handle that pressure at an adult level. or even a college level. I definitely need practice...
Oh, and speaking of practice, I should be practicing about, oh, three or four hours a day by this time. If i'm really serious about this. God. My arms and everything hurt just from practicing so much for my audition and PFAA. I've been doing MAYBE an hour of real practice a day, not including band and lessons. Ugh...
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