I'm more nostalgic than the average person

especially lately, I can't get certain things off my mind, certain people, certain events... i'm too nostalgic for my own good. all it does is make me wish things were the way they used to be. I like being able to remember things, but it wears me out sometimes. and at the same time, I wish I could remember them more clearly. I kept a journal through most of last year pretty consistently, and then I destroyed it, something I regret so much... I cringe every time I think about it. I so wish I hadn't. So much of last year was worth writing about for me.

And I was looking forward to being able to look back and laugh at it (still don't quite think i'm at that point yet, but that's not the point, I would have been, eventually...). It's always a bad idea to destroy something you've written. No matter how stupid or dangerous you think it might be. It's like, now, I only remember snippets of things... only certain feelings, events, good memories. I think it's been triggered by the time of year. I just remember what I was doing at this time last year, and how different things were. Just flashes of things, like picking thousands of post-it notes off my car on a windy day, going to lunch alone, parking in the exact same spot every day, picking out my prom dress...

I just feel like if I don't constantly re-remember my memories, they'll go away and i'll lose them forever. It's irrational but it's a big fear for me.

And i'm still having fitful dreams, the kind where nothing in particular sticks out, but I feel less rested when I wake up... I feel like i've been thinking and stressing out all night long instead of resting. I hope they go away.

Meanwhile, I'm kind of excited for prom again this year, even though my date totally isn't... which puts a damper on it for me, but oh well. I know that prom is a kind of stupid, immature high school thing, but it's just something you have to do, and I had enough fun last year to do it again. This year I think i'll go for a sort of 40's hollywood vibe, with a really classic, simple dress kind of like this (black or red, most likely) and a wavy, 40's glamorous hairstyle. Pearls. Dramatic cat-eye makeup. I'm excited.