Not so distant past and future

I haven't posted in a while...

well, i'm not going to give the whole rundown on London, because needless to say it was amazing. the only thing that completely sucked was the food. it was absolutely terrible. but the city was cool. hahaha.

And backtracking a little, my Christmas was also pretty good. it was good, but hard, having everything be so new. everything's kinda hard right now. i'm stressing about college and auditions still, my college audition but mostly regionals (which i'm sure everyone thinks is much less important than college auditions but it's very important to me for some reason). i'm nervous about it because i've improved every year by a lot, and this year i'll be disappointed if I don't improve again and it'll be really hard. freshman year I got 9th, sophomore year I got 4th, last year I got 2nd, and this year, the only place I could get that would be improvement is first. so I don't know if I will. i'm pushing myself too hard and stressing about that.

a good thing is that I switched out of statistics and into orchestra, where all I do is practice my flute every day and I get credit for it. it's the best thing I could have hoped for. hahaha. It truly makes me happy, happier than anything, but I have so many doubts about it as a career still. I always just feel like i'm not good enough to pursue a music career; like I should just keep it as a hobby but do something else more practical in college.

But on the other hand... when I imagine doing anything else I know I would be bored and unfulfilled. So I guess there's my answer. It's crazy to think about; a few years ago I never would have thought I would pick this as my future career, but it's all I can see myself doing. I'm scared about it. I just can't wait to be in college and have everything settled. I will miss my mom a lot, i've come to realize. Sure, it'll be nice to not have forced parental influence over every part of my life, but I know i'll miss her. She's not so controlling that it will be a complete relief. I'll miss going to cracker barrell with her every sunday morning and i'll even miss the things I usually choose not to do with her, like watch old movies on friday and saturday nights. Makes me wish I had taken her up on more of those offers. But we still have the rest of the year and summer. And believe me, I AM ready to get out of the house, even if i'll miss her. hahahah.

having only two real classes has been ridiculously easy, so i'm occupying my spare time by practicing more, knitting, and playing the sims. i'm pretty proud of the first two. i'm still working on Sam's christmas present scarf. Anyways, i'll try to start writing more regularly. I sure have the time.