It's upon me at last

Christmas is finally here. Usually I get much more excited than this. It's nice and everything, but I really feel like it's wrong this year. I miss my house and my cats and just... my old life.

But anyways, it's been fun. I just got back today from dad's with the sisters. We cooked a nice Christmas meal, which was fun because we don't usually cook together (or cook period). It actually ended up tasting pretty good as well. Christmas with an unemployed parent is much different than the extravagance we've been used to in the past, but I found that I actually enjoyed it a lot. When you have less money to spend on gifts it kind of forces you to get creative. And having Christmas with two parents at two separate times is also kind of fun. I pretty much get to celebrate it for two days instead of just one.

Of course, nothing compares to a good old-fashioned family Christmas.

My dad gave my sisters and I snuggies. Yes, snuggies. It was a joke, but still. They are so ridiculous and hilarious. Mine is a revolting pepto bismo pink. Hahaha. It's kind of chaotic around the house because we have Abby, Jenna's cat Edgar and Erin's dog Toby (short for Tobias) all in here. Edgar hates dogs and Abby and Toby aren't getting along too well... but it's nice to have more people in the house when i'm used to it being just my mom and I.

I finally found gifts for everyone that I think they'll like without too much stress. Although my hands are sore from knitting. I can see why people like hand-knitted scarves as presents, because they take freaking forever to make. I literally spent ten hours sitting on the couch at dad's, knitting and watching an ANTM marathon. Productive day, right? I'm worn out. I feel like... this holiday season is kind of wrong, or something. Something's not right about it. And obviously I know what it is, but it's hard to acknowledge I guess.

I'm really excited for London. It's crazy to think that i'll be there in a matter of days... I can't wait. I will probably be able to get a whole scarf knitted just on the way there... 15 hours of free time with hardly any space to move. It makes me really glad I have small legs. And I did end up finding some cute, cheap rain boots at forever 21. God I love that store. I just hope everything goes to plan and that I don't freak out from irritation of being around my friends 24/7 for a week straight. It'll be really cool to see London with all of them.

I'll probably be writing tomorrow. Happy Christmas eve. :)

Something I don't understand

A few things, actually...
I'm in kind of a depressed mood.
I don't understand why my dog will NOT stop peeing in my room and strewing my trash all over the floor. I think she knows how to open doors, I'm not kidding.

I don't understand why the "no more marking" spray has absolutely no effect on my dog, and why its "pleasant fragrance" makes me feel like coughing and choking when I spray it on my carpet.




I don't understand why people bother with politics when all it does is make them unhappy.

I don't understand why I make some of the social decisions I do, why I can be so antisocial, why certain groups of people bug the hell out of me and why i'm friends with some of the people i'm friends with. That one especially.

I don't understand why I'm bothering to keep writing blogs when I honestly believe maybe one or two people read them. A normal journal would be much more effective... I wouldn't have to edit what I write. I do a lot of editing. Just in case.

I don't understand why an 83 has to be a C in AP english (but i'm really glad I pulled an 84).

I don't understand the way some people act in high school, and can be so completely oblivious to themselves. I don't understand why I can't just go to college now.

Speaking of, I don't understand why the UofA communication is so terrible and unclear.

I don't understand why out of state tuition has to be sooo expensive and why Tuscon has to be so ugly.

Anyways, now that that's out... The rest of my day was pretty good. Hahaha. I got a mani-pedi combo and it was really, really nice and relaxing... and no matter whatever else is depressing me, it's really nice to think that I don't have to go to school tomorrow, and I don't EVER have to take a SINGLE math class again in my LIFE. God that makes me happy.

unless I change my major. But i'm not planning on it.

And i'll be in Tuscon/Phoenix for the majority of the break until London. Which i'm so excited for at this point.

And I still need to find a nice pair of Wellies.

Tricky Business

It's right around this time every year that I come to the terrible dilemma of Christmas gifts.

Why does the nature of gifting have to be so complicated? I want people to know I care about them and get them something awesome, yet I don't want to spend a ridiculous amount of time on presents, nor a ridiculous amount of money. It's a conundrum.

And then there's the problem that you don't feel the same way about everyone you have to get a present for, even though you have to get everyone an equal level present so they don't compare and get hurt feelings... AND, some people I really do want to get great presents for won't get a very great present, because i'm just broke. Hahahah.

There's also those people who you really wish you didn't have to give a present to, but you do. Don't you hate that? Then there's those people who you get a present for and they don't reciprocate, which is always pretty awkward. I prefer to be on the giving end of those situations. Then at least the other person can be the one feeling guilty. Hahah.

Then there's the people who absolutely freak out over gift giving. They convince themselves they're terrible at thinking of what to get anyone, so they end up just not getting anything at all. Or, the person who takes what you say ("Oh, it's fine, you don't have to get me anything too big, don't worry about it!") extremely literally. That's the worst. It takes a gifted (ha ha) person to deal with those types. There's a fine line between subtle, helpful hints and outright telling the person what to get you.

And that is why the secret santa system is so ingenious... One person doesn't have to buy gifts for five other people, and nobody can talk about it with anyone else, so there's not much pressure.


I feel like homemade gifts are always so much better. I have received some expensive gifts over the years, and it seems like those are always the ones that I forget about the quickest; another terrible conundrum of gift giving. Sometimes the most expensive things have the least thought put into them. Sometimes they're the presents you put in your jewelry box/top closet shelf and permanently forget about. I think most people really would rather have something personal and homemade... It's cliche, but pretty true for me at least.

A problem I seem to have that nobody else does is that it's hard for me to adequately express my enthusiasm over gifts, even if I really like it. It's just weird. I always feel like i'm having to force my enthusiasm. So, if anyone reading this ever gives me a gift and I don't seem that thrilled, or I seem fake thrilled, chances are I really do like it. It's just my weird personality.

Unless you gave me something hideous or weird. Then i'm genuinely trying to fake enthusiasm. Hahaha.

This topic has just been on my mind a lot recently, and I just went to the mall today trying to find gifts for people... It's tough, isn't it?

Holiday Decorating

It's that time of year...

We put up the tree and the garland and all the other Christmas decorations today, and it should have been more happy and fun, but it made me a little sad. It's the first Christmas I haven't been in our old house for like, nine or ten years. And it was also the first time it was just my mom and I decorating the tree. It felt lonely.

That, and it took us a freaking hour to figure out how to set up the fake tree with its unnecessary surplus of outlets and prong thingies to plug into the outlets. Seriously. An hour. We almost gave up.

But we finished, and our tree is such a masterpiece. See? It's not very clear, but this is the view from outside the house looking in the window...




It's always fun looking through all the ornaments you forgot about over the year and discovering which ones you really love. We have the coolest ornaments because my mom is like, an ornament enthusiast... she has ones from 30+ years ago; all different sorts. So our tree always comes out looking awesome. I secretly think it's better than anyone else's Christmas tree i've ever seen. This is one of the old ones. It's one of my favorites.




I miss having an actual fireplace to hang stockings on. And every year we get out the stockings I feel injusticed anyways, because I never got a stocking specifically made for me. Erin and Jenna got ones, but my parents just got lazy by the time I came around. Hahaha.

And every time we take out those letters that spell NOEL, I have the urge to rearrange them to spell something different and see if anyone notices. like LONE. or ELNO. or LENO. hahahaha. I think i'll do that this year.
We kept trying to take pictures in front of the tree with Abby. She's very hard to pose with.








We got if after a few tries, though.
































Mom and I took her for a walk at the courthouse afterward. It was absolutely freezing but she coaxed me out. It was nice, spending some time with my mom and not having or wanting to do anything else. It doesn't happen very often. I feel like I need to spend more quality time with her before I have to move.

Overall it was a pretty relaxed day... I keep having the feeling that there's some homework that i'm forgetting, or something I need to do, and then I reassure myself that I don't, and then I remind myself I don't care anyways, since the end of the semester is sooo close. Once I get my acceptance letter I feel like i'm pretty much going to stop caring about school in general. Hahaha. I've already somewhat checked out.

I submitted my very last math assignment EVER the other day. It felt so good, I can't even express it. I will never take another math class again after Thursday... the satisfaction of that statement is unbelievable. Assuming I don't change my major, anyways. I'm just so ready for this semester to be over. This year, in fact.

And i'm really, really excited for London. :)

And the rest of my weekend wasn't too bad either. Friday was acker night, and that was alright... It sucked a little because I was by myself for most of the night, but it was also good because I played at the fine arts theater and played an unaccompanied solo i've been working on since Wednesday, and I felt very satisfied with how it came out, considering the amount of time i've had it. Saturday was a wake-up-at-noon-stay-in-pajamas-all-day day. I went to my mom's work Christmas party, which was pretty fun. And I found out that Sam got solo chair in the top band at All State Jazz. That's like... the best chair possible. He got the best scores of any trumpet player there. He's the best jazz trumpet player in the state. It kind of made my day. And it's so awesome because I feel just as proud of his accomplishments as I do my own. :) I think I am more proud of him than he is of himself, actually. But that's fine with me. Hahaha.

And i'm liking this blog thing so far. I'll try to write pretty regularly. I hope more of my friends get one.

First Blog

I guess I only started this blog because some of my friends have them.

What a bad reason to do anything. Hahaha. But once I started thinking about it, the more I realized having a blog would be a good idea, because I feel like people don't know me very well. Just people in general. My friends, maybe, know me the best of anyone, but even they are probably left guessing a lot of the time. It's so much easier to express what i'm actually thinking and feeling through writing than actually telling people. It's a bad trait, I know, but it's just how I am.

And like my tagline says, i'm hoping this blog gives people a real glimpse into how I really am, since so many people misjudge me right off the bat. I really don't like being so introverted, but I hope this helps. I'll try to post pretty regularly, and I don't even know who's going to be reading, but whoever it is, I hope they're somewhat entertained.